Three New Poems

Velvet Merkin

Velvet Merkin hit the stage at 8.00pm sharp,

and sounded flat.

These ones go up to 11,

they play their three songs,

Evil Dead Red,

Vampire Blood,

and Substance Abuse,

before Mavis realises that one again,

Dave, her blithering idiot of a husband,

has booked the wrong band for their wedding.


Crazy Ivan

Crazy Ivan is no panty peeler.

He has Puppy’s Breath,

a case of lumpy gravy,

mixed with recurring Druid Fluid.

Brother Thelonius is familiar,

with the hop whore,

and has a magic wizard’s sleeve.

Roland the headless assistant,

the unicorn Killer,

is down at Granpappy’s sugar shack,

thinking of a marketing ploy

and Scary Jesus

the rockstar is only in it for the money.

Soup of the Day

Blue Steel soup served in a saucerful of secrets.

An Apocalypse cow for sharing,

with a jus of Judas Yeast, depending on the age of the meat.

Larry Bird’s Haircut, drizzled in a soupcon of Men in.

Rat Salad, with tails for decoration.

Mash of the Titans.

Nerfherder with a selection of Summer Vegetables.

Feast of Spleen Pudding.

Montezuma’s Revenge, depending on the experience of the Chef.

All served to the soothing sounds of Scary Jesus Rockstar, and the melodic sounds of his Kazoo of Death.


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